This is inspired by my recent encounters with my friend Whitney's cat. I have been pet sitting for her at her house and her cat has made it its mission to annoy, scare, eat, and sabotage me.
My first impression of this cat was that it was cute, fuzzy, and overly friendly. This was a complete ruse, although it can be sweet. It's more cunning and sly than anything. All was well until 2am... When you are sleeping in someone else's house you are much more aware of odd noises, especially at night. Consider this scenario. I was soundly asleep in bed with 2 dogs on either side of me essentially trapping me in covers. The cat was sitting on top of my chest with its face resting on my chin itching my face. I had given up trying to move the cat because she just kept on coming back. Then...at 2am I hear this god awful retching noise. I am woken up abruptly and become very tense. I don't have my contacts in so I'm pretty much blind. The noise stops momentarily so I fall back asleep thinking it was a dream. The cat the repositions itself closer to my face, which captures my attention. I then, with absolute horror, realize what the noise was. The cat had sat up and attempted to throw up ON MY FACE. The only explanation to why it stopped was because I wasn't awake and couldn't see it coming so she stoppped. Then once I was awake and staring it in the eyes (eyes that had become evil) the cat tried to throw up ON MY FACE AGAIN. Now in retrospect I probably could've just swiped it off the bed, but this was my face that was being attacked in a full frontal disgusting assault. I picked the cat up, sat up very quickly in bed and launched the cat out the door and it slid across the kitchen into the kitchen. I promptly closed the door.
You would think that would be the end of my cat woes for the night. No. Of course not. The cat sought revenge. Revenge in the form of noise. At first it was content with banging on the door, which it soon realized I could ignore in my sleep. It resorted to plan B. Meowing in 5 second intervals should be a form of torture and was quite effective. Combine bot of those and you've got a very grumpy Emma at 4am. I let the cat back in and hid myself under pillows and covers to prevent being thrown up on.
I've discovered this cat thoroughly enjoys eating hair ties. I always have at least 3 on my wrist. It is quite disconcerting to all of a sudden have a cat chewing on your wrist with much fervor. What is more disconcerting is the cat jumping on top of the couch and trying to chew your hair tie off of YOUR HEAD. I can only conclude that this cat secretly has it in for me.
While scaring me at 2am might have brought this cat much joy I am convinced that nothing brings it more joy than to invade my private space in the bathroom. It won't follow me around except when I head to the bathroom. It's not content to just rub up against my legs while on the toilet. No, not this cat. It has to try and sit on my lap while I'm doing the deed and digs claws in to my flesh if I try to remove the cat from my personal bubble. What the heck? That's all I can say to that. I have picture proof of this, but no one needs to see that. You'll just have to take my word for it.
" A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn no other way."--Mark Twain
