~ Margaret Cousins
Let's face it. I just spent the last 4 years in undergrad and one year abroad getting a master's degree. It's also Christmas, the time of the year where we're supposed to spend copious amounts of money on everyone we know and people we don't know too well unless we want to suffer through guilt all year long. I'm also completely broke. Zero money. Nada. I decided I would buy a select few people Christmas presents because they're my best friends and family and who better to go into debt for?
Here's a taste of my internal dialogue when deciding what to do for presents for friends:
Stingy me: Go to the dollar store. No one will ever know.
Spend your life savings me: No everyone else will be doing that. We're all college kids.
Stingy me: Do stocking stuffers and give them things that don't cost much but wrap them nicely so it looks like you spent more.
Spend your life savings me: Alright. I can live with that. BUT I'll make my own Christmas cards using my own photography and then bake them Christmasy esque looking things. GREAT IDEA
Stingy me: Good luck with that Martha Stewart.
And so it went! I went off shopping with friends and battled my way through traffic and indecision. I had finally finished shopping for stocking stuffers when it hit me. The little voice inside your head that only comes at Christmas that thinks "well... I want that so maybe if I buy it for them and then not give it to them that that will be okay. Am I giving this person too much? What if I come at them with a huge bag and all I get is a $5 gift card to somewhere that everyone but that person knows I hate? OH GOD I HAVE TO BUY EVERYTHING IN THIS STORE. I DON'T CARE WHO IT'S FOR IT HAS TO BE MINE. AHHHHHHH." That's how it usually goes on any given day during the holiday season... hopefully I'm not alone in this. I usually stand in line and realize how crazy I am for putting things in my basket that I don't even know how they function or if they are actually sold in the store and not just left behind by some wacko playing a prank and try to subtly hide things at random places in the store because finding where I picked it up would just end up in catastrophe.
Baking Catastrophe 1: The hot chocolate mix
I thought I could be fancy and make delicious red velvet hot chocolate mix from scratch and put them in cute mason jars and have there be nice layers and ribbons everywhere to give it a festive look. That's not what happened. I spent probably a good 2 hours searching for a hot chocolate mix recipe that I didn't need a degree in astrophysics and also have a psychic gift to decipher. I panicked and went to Kroger (an awesome grocery store) and bought ready made hot chocolate mix, poured it into mason jars (and all over my hand, desk and the floor). I tried to add an extra layer of marshmallows in the middle to spice it up. The mix completely engulfed any trace of marshmallows in the middle. Now when friends try to use it they are going to get a surprise.... Once I cleaned up the inevitable mess that comes with being me I tied red, white and green ribbons to the lid. I tried to do the trick with the scissors that makes the ribbons curly and cute. It worked for the bottom centimeter. Not exaggerating. The rest of it ended up molding into odd shapes jutting out from the jar at odd angles. One is even sticking out completely straight at a perpendicular angle to the jar. It takes talent to do this people. At least that's what I tell myself. At least the jars are unique. Now if I could get the cat to stop chewing on them they would look even better....
Baking Catastrophe 2:
Brownines. Simple yes? No. Not when you make them into cupcakes and attempt to put santa hats made of strawberries and icing. Attempt number 1 followed the directions on the box. Yes I used a box. I'm not trying to poison anyone. It told me to bake for 40 minutes, so I obeyed. Bad decision. I ended up with brownies that doubled as hockey pucks. Into the trash they went. Bah humbug. I decided to move on to catastrophe number 3 in hopes I would have better luck...
Baking Catastrophe 3:
Snowmen made of marshmallows, held together by pretzel sticks and dipped in candycane flavored chocolate. Sounds cute doesn't it? Bet you wouldn't say that if you saw my first attempt and the resulting dilapidated chunky blobs that looked like zombie marshmallow snowmen. Yep... that happened. Luckily my mom came and helped me roll them. But that was today and the real disaster came yesterday... After the brownie incident I thought melting chocolate to dip would be super easy. No. Turns out putting hershey kisses in a plastic cup in the microwave results in your white choclate turning a dark brown, becoming frothy, and it melts the entire cup and eats through the bottom of the cup. Again, I'm talented. Food Network please hire me. I can have a show called "How You Should NEVER Cook." I also tried melting it in a pot on the oven. Again I was wrong. It just burns on the bottoms and turns into a sticky mess. Luckily I cleaned all of the evidence of that mess before my parents walked back into the kitchen. After that I thought to myself " (^*&%&$#^@$^%&(^)(&*(&%^ I'm done for tonight. I suck at baking. This is going nowhere. I hate baking. BAH HUMBUG..."
Day 2 I awoke with a plan: Gym, hot bubble bath, reading, favorite tv show.... conquer the kitchen. It worked. I felt rejuvenated. I bought all new ingredients although I froze to death and got odd looks for walking into stores in gym shorts and a shirt in the middle of a rain storm and the freezing cold.
Brownie attempt 2: Succesful
Chocolate chip cookies with peppermint on top: Awesome success. First try. OH YEAH
Snowmen attempt 2: Thanks Mom. She had the great idea to use hershey kisses as heads so I wouldn't have creepy headless snowmen with arms sticking out of their sides... Most of them have become decapitated accidentally so maybe that's creepier, but oh well. Real friends appreciate the effort not the fact that I gave them pink decapitated snowmen.
All in all it was an experience. Here's some pictures of how they turned out. Martha Stewart eat your heart out.
Merry Christmas everyone! And may your Christmas baking disasters be less plentiful than mine. :)
The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others’ burdens, easing other’s loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas.”
~ W. C. Jones
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