Grown Man vs Bat

"But I love being scared. I think you're brave only when you do things that scare you." --Ginnifer Goodwin

There comes a time in every man's life when he must defend himself against vicious creatures of the wild. Most people expect to find these creatures outside of their homes. The most terrifying and effective creature attacks are ones that come from within our comfort zones. These are particularly effective when coming from your clothes rack as you prepare for bed. This creature, which happens to be a bat, knew this and also knew that this man, we shall call him Bob, was absolutely horrified of bats and would turn into a 5 year old girl when confronted. This is the tale of the epic, but very short lived adventure of the grown man and the bat.

Will and I were casually watching Orange is the New Black because let's face it; it's one of the best shows on tv right now and I may or may not be able to stop watching it. Bob is Will's roommate and has the entire top floor to himself. We hear a massive bang and think okay he dropped something. He then shrieks... and yes I do my shriek. It definitely wasn't a manly yell. Will then gets a phonecall from Bob, but we ignore it. More banging ensues and yelling. We get concerned and answer the next phone call.

It went something like this:

Bob: *sheer panic* THERE. IS. A BAT. A BAT IS IN MY ROOM. OH GOD here it comes. AHHH. Help me. What do I do. How did it get up here???

Me: Uncontrollable laughter
Will: Okay calm down I'm coming.

This is one of those moments where I absolutely hated myself for not grabbing my phone to record the hilarity. We get up to his room and walk in. Bob is crouched behind his bed for cover while holding a t-shirt that he flings when the bat gets close by. This flinging is also accompanied by a girly yell and "oh god... oh god..." By this point the bat is terrified and probably wondering what in the heck is going on. It's flying in a big circle around the room. It tried to fly out the door I was by and I slammed it in its face so we could contain it. Will, unlike Bob, is not terrified of bats. He calmly tried to coax the bat into a pillowcase, but it was too smart for that. He then trapped it inside a laundry hamper.

Bob decided since it was trapped that now would be a good time to come out from behind his bed. He approached the hamper cautiously and began to freak out about getting the bat out of the house.

Here's a fun video that Bob took right before he called Will. This still makes me smile.



Sorry Bob. I know I am exploiting your horror, but you had to have seen this coming.

After Will took the bat outside we went back up to Bob to see how he was coping in his now bat free environment. As we were walking back downstairs I casually threw into the conversation this gem:

Me: "Check your clothes racks for babies. There might be more."

The repeated transition from horror to hate that crossed his face was priceless. It was also completely worth it. We could hear him shuffling through his clothes for 15 minutes before he was convinced I was kidding.

Then because I couldn't help myself I sent him this picture.

With a caption that said "Just think. You could've woken up to this beauty! Best friends!" (Thank you national geographic website for this photo. It's not mine it is completely theirs.)

All I got was a message back saying he hated me. So worth it. 

"As much as they deny it I think people like being scared. It's a phenomenon, why people want to be scared when there is so much violence and craziness in the world. People still really enjoy being scared.  It's a conundrum to me. It's hard to explain. It's an unconscious thing, really, why people like that so much"--Dylan McDermott