Batten Down The Hatches

"Maybe your weird is my normal? Who's to say?"-Nicki Minaj

As many of my followers know, I have had my fair share of poop stories. Until last Wednesday, these were strictly animal stories. I will now share my first (and hopefully last) human poop horror/humor story.

One of my day jobs I currently have involves teaching Zumba at several gyms. My all time favorite class to teach is my Wednesday night class at a gym that will remain nameless. The members are rambunctious, hilarious, and ready to WORK. I've been told my classes are the hardest/best workout money can buy and I really pride myself in that. I always make sure to have low and high impact options so anyone from 8 years old to 80 years old can come away and feel like they really exercised, challenged themselves, but were safe in the way they went about it. Zumba is so great because it really feels like you are having a little party, acting like a fool, and best of all it doesn't feel like a workout that you have to convince yourself you can finish and hope you don't pass out.

Yes my classes are hard, but that's why we're at the gym. To make changes and get in shape! I had a special "Kick Butt Thanksgiving Zumba Extravaganza" complete with new songs, lots and lots of sweating in preparation for the 800 cookies, pies, turkeys, potatoes, etc that we would eat the next day. I even had handmade door prizes that I had crafted myself. You can check them out here if you want: www.etsy.com/shop.eclecticgreetings

Little did I know it would go horribly wrong and I wouldn't even know that it made a turn for the worst until Thanksgiving itself.

Thanksgiving morning went really well. My boyfriend, Will and I ran a 10k and finished in a little over an hour. There was a light drizzle, but it felt AMAZING since we were ridiculously warm from not running that far in a long time. We then went home and cooked cream cheese and bacon stuffed poblano peppers and a green bean casserole. Then we made the trek, with our pup Atlas of course, to NC where Will's mom lives to eat all of the delicious food she had made. We were beyond stuffed by the time we made it home. Everyone in the house: cats, dog, and boyfriend were asleep within minutes of sitting down. I curled up with the 5th Game of Thrones book and just relaxed.

We decided to go to Target around 9 so we would miss the massive crowds and still get to shop around for some great deals. Little did I know my entire day would be changed as I walked out of the game section towards the pet section.

I ran into Chris who takes my Wednesday night class and he is super energetic with a fun personality. He is the one who informed me about the "incident". After saying hi and making small talk he leans in and in a hushed voice asks me "Do you know that someone pooped in your Zumba class yesterday?"

First of all, this is not the normal conversation topic I was expecting. Secondly, my brain had trouble processing that information. Thirdly, WHAT THE F@$&?????  I was disgusted, confused, slightly amused, intrigued, disgusted again, horrified, and most of all the feeling of "no...that couldn't have happened."

But happen it did. I was 100% oblivious...not that I would have known what in the world to do if I happened to see someone poo on the floor accidentally. Let's give you some more detail. No not about the poo you weirdo, about the situation.

I had 20 people in class that night and the "perpetrator" was in the back of the class according to witnesses and hear sayers. I always teach at the front and am looking around the room constantly to check form. It never occurred to me to check the floor for rogue bowel movements. A mother and daughter duo are usually at the back almost every class and they had apparently witnessed it happen, but were too confused or horrified to do something about it, which is very reasonable. Many in the class wrote it off as "oh, there's dirt right there".

What horrifies and confuses me the most is the next few facts. 1. She pooped in the middle of a crowded room and knew it happened. 2. She didn't casually excuse herself to clean up the mess on the floor and undoubtedly elsewhere on her person. 3. A WHOLE OTHER CLASS happened in that same room right after and everyone thought it was dirt. 4. She never CLEANED IT UP.    I can forgive someone for pooping on the floor if they have bowel issues. That can't be helped, but preventative measures should be taken like an adult diaper, etc. Not to clean is up is rude, unsanitary, and a slipping hazard to name barely a few of the risks without mentioning how gross the whole situation is.

I'm not the sort of person who focuses on the negative, but I had no previous socially acceptable reaction in my arsenal in which to pull from to figure out how in the heck you respond to something like that.

In short, if you have to poop, go to the bathroom immediately. Poop waits for no mortal being and it means smelly business. If you do poop accidentally, nonchalantly play it off as it being dirt on the floor and blame it on a muddy dog you may or may not have and excuse yourself and get the proper cleaning tools. That's humiliation free and won't wound any pride, plus it prevents blog posts such as these from unsuspecting Zumba instructors who never see that situation coming.

All in all, I exercised the shit out of someone. Literally. I still have no idea how to feel about that. Holy crap. Pun intended.

"The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car, is having to poop right after you get out of the shower."--Unknown

I walked to an Irish island... No big deal

"Friendship is held to be the severest test of character. It is easy, we think, to be loyal to a family and clan, who blood is in our veins." --Charles Alexander Eastman

The second half of my trip to Ireland I stayed with a good friend, Lindsey, who I have known since Kindergarten. It's sad to say that we had not seen each other in years, but I was extremely excited to catch up with her and just enjoy a few days exploring Ireland with her. She works as an Au Pair in Skerries, which is a very small beach town outside of Dublin. After making sure Kelsey got on the right bus to her airport I set out for Skerries. The only problem was finding the correct bus station. To give whoever is reading this a mental image of what I was carrying around the following picture should be good enough.

 I lugged all 30 pounds of this everywhere I went.

There are about 5 bus stops in Balbriggin where I searched for the bus station. I walked to one end of the city following someone's directions, while getting looks something akin to "Why in the world is there a tourist in Balbriggin of all places?" This look also followed me to Skerries. Meanwhile, the bus station I needed was directly on the other side of town... 2 miles away. Off I went albeit slightly perturbed.

I managed to get to Skerries in one piece and even found the street and place where I was meeting Lindsey on the first try. Everyone who knows me and my amazing lack of directional skills will know this was a feat worthy of an award. However, I had gotten there 4 hours before Lindsey was scheduled to meet me. I walked around getting odd looks and explored. Then I found what might possibly be the most fun beach in Ireland.

One of the coolest things about it was that in Ireland low tide really means LOW tide. There were a series of islands about half a mile off shore when the tide is in, but when it's out it's possible to walk to them. So I set off for one of them! It is such a weird feeling to walk to an island when something like that just isn't possible back home. The whole time I felt like I shouldn't be out that far, especially since no one else even bothered to walk there either. The picture should also be a good indication of how far from shore I was!

I must have looked nuts because I bent down every few seconds and almost fell each time I did it since I was slightly top heavy from my backpack and I really didn't want to fall in the random puddles. For those who don't know, I have an obsession with macro photography. I really liked the random creatures and plants I kept finding because of their textures and positioning so I tried to take as many creative ones as I could. I'll give you guys a taste of it. I am by no means amazing, but I really enjoy it.

I also crawled all over some very slippery rocks and managed to neither wound myself or fall. This should also be considered award worthy. Here's some of what I saw that day. I was amazed by the colors. It was just too gorgeous for words.

After trekking all day I finally met up with Lindsey! We went to a really cool pub and then called it a night. See part 2 for the rest of that trip!

"Our memories of the ocean will linger on, long after our footprints in the sand are gone." --Anonymous

Bring on 2012!

New Years! A time for resolutions! Although most people see a resolution as a plan for the first 2 weeks of the year, I plan on keeping mine. For once I actually have several resolutions that I put a lot of thought into.

I decided to send off 2011 with a bang. Laura and Derek were already in London and I made the journey there. How many Americans can say they spent New Years Eve in London watching fireworks on the banks of the Thames? This girl can! Laura and I spent the day people watching and just having a great time catching up since we hadn't seen each other in about 3 weeks. We met up with our friend Brittany for dinner and found an interesting place with god awful service. The English are definitely not renowned for their impeccable food service skills. They don't work for tips so I guess that plays a bigger part than I thought. We had a gourmet meal of microwaved cornish pastries and the driest cookie I have ever tasted in my life. Eat chocolate flavored chalk and you will have tasted the equivalent of my cookie.

Moving on. It's tradition for Laura and I to spend New Years Eve together and in the past 14 years we have only missed one year. We always watch the ball drop in Times Square. It always amazed me just how many people were crammed into Times Square and I always wondered what that would be like. I now know what it feels like to be a sardine in a can.

We attempted to move closer to the bank of the Thames, but moving 50 feet took 30 minutes so we decided that was a lost cause and went back to our spot on the bridge. Being as vertically challenged as I was I managed to not be able to find a spot to see over half of the London Eye, which was lit up and changed colors.

After 4 hours of playing word games, watching drunk people, buying over priced drinks and consequently giving up on drinking the countdown began!!  The countdown started at 30 seconds to midnight and the entire crowd yelled at the top of their lungs. Right at midnight the fireworks went off. London knows how to do a fireworks show. Fireworks were exploding everywhere and even coming out of the London Eye itself. It was one of the best shows I have ever seen in my entire life.

It was a pretty odd feeling to know that I was celebrating 2012 while everyone I knew back home was probably eating dinner.

That was just a small taste of the fireworks. The real thing was so much better!

My New Years resolutions include the normal idealistic things, but also some goals I want to achieve:

1. Keep in touch with friends and family back home more than I have

2. Get closer with my family

3. Audition for plays in England

4. Graduate from the MA program

5. Run in the total warrior marathon

6. Travel to 3 countries

7. Start making the documentary I have planned

8. Make more new friends

9. Eat a more healthy diet

10. Be a better person.

As cheesy or odd as some of those may sound, I AM going to achieve them all. This year is going to be amazing. I'm living abroad and getting an opportunity most people only dream of. I can't wait to see what this year has in store for me :)