Dirty Girl 5k Mud/Obstacle Run

"Exercise to stimulate, not annihilate. The world wasn't formed in a day, and neither were we. Set small goals and build upon them."--Lee Haney



Lets' be honest here. I'm a fitness freak. I teach Zumba and Body Step classes 4 days a week at my local gym; I lift weights several days a week, walk my dog a few miles, ride my bike, and basically adore anything else active. I hate sitting for hours on end. Moving around gets my brain working and keeps me in shape and happy. I've done quite a few fun runs/mud/obstacle runs with my boyfriend and a few friends, but this time I went with my best friend and former college roommate, Ellie. Ellie does not share my passion for fitness, but I've rubbed off on her and she has set small goals for herself and even takes gym classes a few days a week! Awesome!

She had been talking about wanting to do a 5k so I went on the hunt for a super fun one. I found an all female race benefitting breast cancer foundations. Personally, I don't care if it's all female, but it was the next race coming to the area and it looked like a CRAZY amount of fun. They advertised mud, sweat, obstacles, team work, etc. What sealed the deal? I Living Social deal for a half price entry! Heck yes. I love fitness and I love saving money on fitness, so this was perfect.

We both signed up and started counting down the days. Ellie was more nervous because it was her first race. She didn't train too much, but she did her best and that's all that matters. I wasn't nervous at all I just wanted it to be race day! I had been training non stop in the gym, running with my dog, and lifting weights. I wanted to make sure I was prepared.

Race day had finally arrived! We donned our running clothes that we knew we wouldn't care about getting dirty and drove to the Sportsplex where the race was held. There were lots of vendors set up that we briefly checked out. We dropped out change of clothes and towels off and made sure to get pre-race pictures. We knew we'd look like we'd run thru a very muddy hell and back after the race so we wanted to be able to show the crazy difference.

Ellie set the pace and I told her that we could walk whenever she wanted, but I made sure to challenge her. She almost made it through the whole race without complaining about the running, but that last mile really did her in! There were so many obstacles! I couldn't get enough. I ran right up to each one and went all out no matter what. There were tubes we climbed through, balance beams where people launched large inflatable balls at us, army crawls through mud pits, inflatable slides where you bounced off the bottom into a muddy water pit, rope walls, barriers to climb over, we even went down a fire pole!

Needless to say by the time we could see the finish we were COVERED from head to foot in mud. The last obstacle was right before the finish line. It was a gigantic mud pit. We looked at each other and took off running for it. I tackled her right at the end and we both ended up face down in the mud and had to roll around to get out. Priceless. We ran across the finish line together and were given our finisher's medals, which were HUGE. The goodie bags we received also had shampoo and conditioner. They know how to make us feel good after a race!

After we had finished and had collected our bags we set off for the picture stations! After that we decided it would be best if we used their "shower" area to literally hose ourselves down. It honestly looked like a mud bomb had gone off over there. They should've made it the new obstacle for all the mud that was there. The only downside? The water was FREEZING COLD. We washed our legs off and shoes, but it didn't do much good. After heading home, we both gunned it for the two bathrooms in my house. It took quote a while, but we managed to get the mud out of our ears and off of every surface imaginable on our skin.

All in all, it was one of the most fun races I've ever had the pleasure to take part in. I just wish they had had more photographers! Although, if that's my only complaint then I can't even complain! It was such a fantastic day and we had an insane amount of fun. Ellie ROCKED her first 5k and I got to run around with her on lots of obstacles. If you get a chance don't miss the Dirty Girl 5k. Sorry guys. It's a vagina only event. No wieners allowed.

"The reason I exercise is for the quality of life I enjoy."--Kenneth Cooper

Batten Down The Hatches

"Maybe your weird is my normal? Who's to say?"-Nicki Minaj

As many of my followers know, I have had my fair share of poop stories. Until last Wednesday, these were strictly animal stories. I will now share my first (and hopefully last) human poop horror/humor story.

One of my day jobs I currently have involves teaching Zumba at several gyms. My all time favorite class to teach is my Wednesday night class at a gym that will remain nameless. The members are rambunctious, hilarious, and ready to WORK. I've been told my classes are the hardest/best workout money can buy and I really pride myself in that. I always make sure to have low and high impact options so anyone from 8 years old to 80 years old can come away and feel like they really exercised, challenged themselves, but were safe in the way they went about it. Zumba is so great because it really feels like you are having a little party, acting like a fool, and best of all it doesn't feel like a workout that you have to convince yourself you can finish and hope you don't pass out.

Yes my classes are hard, but that's why we're at the gym. To make changes and get in shape! I had a special "Kick Butt Thanksgiving Zumba Extravaganza" complete with new songs, lots and lots of sweating in preparation for the 800 cookies, pies, turkeys, potatoes, etc that we would eat the next day. I even had handmade door prizes that I had crafted myself. You can check them out here if you want: www.etsy.com/shop.eclecticgreetings

Little did I know it would go horribly wrong and I wouldn't even know that it made a turn for the worst until Thanksgiving itself.

Thanksgiving morning went really well. My boyfriend, Will and I ran a 10k and finished in a little over an hour. There was a light drizzle, but it felt AMAZING since we were ridiculously warm from not running that far in a long time. We then went home and cooked cream cheese and bacon stuffed poblano peppers and a green bean casserole. Then we made the trek, with our pup Atlas of course, to NC where Will's mom lives to eat all of the delicious food she had made. We were beyond stuffed by the time we made it home. Everyone in the house: cats, dog, and boyfriend were asleep within minutes of sitting down. I curled up with the 5th Game of Thrones book and just relaxed.

We decided to go to Target around 9 so we would miss the massive crowds and still get to shop around for some great deals. Little did I know my entire day would be changed as I walked out of the game section towards the pet section.

I ran into Chris who takes my Wednesday night class and he is super energetic with a fun personality. He is the one who informed me about the "incident". After saying hi and making small talk he leans in and in a hushed voice asks me "Do you know that someone pooped in your Zumba class yesterday?"

First of all, this is not the normal conversation topic I was expecting. Secondly, my brain had trouble processing that information. Thirdly, WHAT THE F@$&?????  I was disgusted, confused, slightly amused, intrigued, disgusted again, horrified, and most of all the feeling of "no...that couldn't have happened."

But happen it did. I was 100% oblivious...not that I would have known what in the world to do if I happened to see someone poo on the floor accidentally. Let's give you some more detail. No not about the poo you weirdo, about the situation.

I had 20 people in class that night and the "perpetrator" was in the back of the class according to witnesses and hear sayers. I always teach at the front and am looking around the room constantly to check form. It never occurred to me to check the floor for rogue bowel movements. A mother and daughter duo are usually at the back almost every class and they had apparently witnessed it happen, but were too confused or horrified to do something about it, which is very reasonable. Many in the class wrote it off as "oh, there's dirt right there".

What horrifies and confuses me the most is the next few facts. 1. She pooped in the middle of a crowded room and knew it happened. 2. She didn't casually excuse herself to clean up the mess on the floor and undoubtedly elsewhere on her person. 3. A WHOLE OTHER CLASS happened in that same room right after and everyone thought it was dirt. 4. She never CLEANED IT UP.    I can forgive someone for pooping on the floor if they have bowel issues. That can't be helped, but preventative measures should be taken like an adult diaper, etc. Not to clean is up is rude, unsanitary, and a slipping hazard to name barely a few of the risks without mentioning how gross the whole situation is.

I'm not the sort of person who focuses on the negative, but I had no previous socially acceptable reaction in my arsenal in which to pull from to figure out how in the heck you respond to something like that.

In short, if you have to poop, go to the bathroom immediately. Poop waits for no mortal being and it means smelly business. If you do poop accidentally, nonchalantly play it off as it being dirt on the floor and blame it on a muddy dog you may or may not have and excuse yourself and get the proper cleaning tools. That's humiliation free and won't wound any pride, plus it prevents blog posts such as these from unsuspecting Zumba instructors who never see that situation coming.

All in all, I exercised the shit out of someone. Literally. I still have no idea how to feel about that. Holy crap. Pun intended.

"The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car, is having to poop right after you get out of the shower."--Unknown

Culture Shock

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."--Barack Obama

I have been back in the States for almost 2 weeks now. I haven't really had a chance to sit down and relax because I've been freakishly busy visiting ECU and seeing everyone I haven't seen in ages. BUT posts will be more regular now.

Here's some things I've realized and that have happened that seem noteworthy:

1. The American accent sounds slightly harsh to me and this is how I feel about it in a picture

That sums up how I feel when I hear a particularly twangy accent.

This sums up the thought of "Oh dear god did I sound like this to everyone? And why do the English think my accent is fancy?"

2.  Roosters, male turkeys, guinea fowl, and billy goats all find me attractive. Yes I was chased across a lawn by several in their full on mating mode complete with what I'm sure was their most attractive screech.  

There they are in all their glory...

I realized it might seem like I was just walking around where I live and all of a sudden a really random assortment of birds came around a corner, got aroused and ran after me. Not quite. My Dad wanted to look at a building to date it for a friend and we were on their property. I walked around a corner, saw tons of birds headed right at me and said "DAAAAAAAD we're about to get attacked." I'm pretty sure he was expecting something much more ferocious when he turned around to discover a puffed up turkey, rooster and a guinea fowl strutting their stuff at me. They weren't interested in my Dad. I was chased around the yard throwing my Dad god awful looks and ended up near a billy goat cage... turns out they like me too. When he started bleating my Dad about lost it and was bent over laughing at me and I made a bee lone for the front of the house and ultimately the car. As amusing as it was I was not amused at the time. 

3. We have a new kitten that I call the beast/terrorist. She likes to attack anything and everything in my room then looks cute while doing it. Last night I discovered she is a fan of zumba. I was trying to learn a new song for the classes I teach and I was practicing in my room while she was on the chair. Before this I couldn't get her to give me any attention unless I had some string in my hand. The second I started bopping around, as you do in zumba, she froze, stared at me, then starting rolling over in the chair, turning in circles and trying to swat me everytime I went by. She was pretty much doing the cat version of dancing until I came near and she had to at least keep up cat appearances by attacking my leg until I moved out of range. Sadly I do not have a picture of this, but I'll try again tonight and see if I can sneak one in of her awesome dance moves. 

4. I've had another one of my infamous "ideas". I've been obsessed with Cirque du Soleil ever since 2009 when I saw a show in Florida. I've still never seen something so creative, imaginative, and mind blowing ever since. I don't have delusions of grandeur that I can make it into that ridiculously amazing show, but I set a goal for myself that within the next year I'm going to submit an audition video. I've decided to aim high. Go big or go home right? Should be a challenging time, but I am really excited for it!

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened"--Dr. Seuss

The Archaeology of Sheep

"Live as if you will die tomorrow. Learn as if you will live forever." --Mahatma Gandhi

For my Landscape Archaeology class we were assigned to carry out a survey of a site of our professors' choosing. We ended up driving to Cold Newton. It is suspected to be a Roman villa sitting inside a prehistoric enclosure. As we packed up the Land Rover it became apparent there weren't enough seats so one of us would have to sit in the back. The two professors got the front seats. Peter is about as tall as a tree so it was obvious he was not going to be squished. James is a pretty big guy and taller than me so he got the backseat and not the trunk area. Me being tiny... I like to call myself fun sized... got the small area behind the magnetometer, total station, rods, reels, ropes, tapes, resistivity stuff, everyone's bags and their shoes. Lucky me!

On the way to an archaeological site you generally learn that everyone has a blunt, crass and genuinely dirty side. We decided to tell awful pick up lines to pass the time. Here's a small sample:

"I hear you have some good earthworks. Can I survey your field?"

"I'm going to stick these probes all over that field."

"Those are some mighty fine probes you have there. Standard size?"

Yes I know we're gross, but it's entertaining and slightly awkward when it's around people who are going to be grading your papers.

We get there the first day and set up the baseline and start to survey the field and I was on resistivity duty with James, Peter and my professor Mark. We had to set up lines to walk evenly so the picture of what lies below is not distorted. One thing about that field is the poop... I have NEVER seen so much sheep poop in my life. If I was in a horror movie about poop this would be the mother of all site locations. Don't worry there isn't a picture for that. You're welcome.

Moving on... I have gotten stuck with a project that analyzes oysters from Dudley castle to determine change over time and where the oysters originated for various reasons. I have had to analyze over 6000 and have about 3 times more of that to do over the summer. This is how a casual conversation went during the dig.

Mark- (to no one in particular) "I wonder who that poor person is who got stuck analyzing those billions of oyster shells is."

Me- (shoulders slump, slow turn, desperately sad look on my face) .... it's me....

Mark- "wow you got screwed"

You know you have a crap task when a professor says that to you.

The next day was a torrential downpour like I had never seen before so we got the day off... but not before being forced to walk to campus and get the results of our previous surveys and then walk back.

We went out the day after once it had cleared up. Just picture a field of sheep quietly grazing in an English countryside. That's what it was like the first day. Not sure what triggered it, but the next day was the sheep version of Alfred Hitchcock's "Birds". EVERY sheep and there were probably 100 were running towards the flimsy gate baaaahing their heads off. A few of them even tried to ram their heads against the gate to try and open it. To an American this is alarming... especially one with a bad history with sheep. When I was younger I tried to pet a sheep and all it tried to do was eat my shorts I was wearing. I've never liked sheep since unless they are cooked and on a plate in front of me. I guess that's karma.

My reaction to this Hitchcock-esque sheep "attack" and the fact that I had to go into this field went something like this:

I remained unscathed and survived the sheeps' psychological warfare. Every now and again when I was standing by a hedge one would baaa at me in a strangely low tone out of nowhere. Not a reassuring occurrence. I think they knew I rather enjoy lamb.

As we surveyed the field we had to hold the cord that connected the machine to the probes in the ground. The other person not jamming the machine into the ground has to move the marker line another meter away to they can continuously survey. This being extremely boring decided to make it interesting. I would run along and move the lines which can only be described as doing what the ribbon twirlers in the olympics do then sprinted towards the other end of the field, did a limbo move under the other wire and people walking. I also performed zumba (I teach it) at random points of the day. Needless to say everyone was amused. Well minus my professor who I managed to entangle and trip... twice... good thing he has a sense of humor! Maybe there was a reason I ended up in the back of the land rover each time. Cool kid section? Yeah, I'll go with that. 

2 weeks later and I STILL can't get the poop off my boots. Stupid sheep.

We had one last day out in the field so I donned my stylish poop encrusted boots. I bet that's a pleasant mental image, but just imagine how I felt actually wearing them. We mapped out the entire field to get a topographical map. It went flawlessly with the sheep except for one encounter with a very determined lamb.  I had noticed a lamb had lost its mother and was running around the field making noise and exploring. I pointed it out to my friend Pete and at that very second it stopped, turned around from running in the opposite direction and looked at me dead in the eye. 

At this point it's about 50ft away from me so I'm thinking okay no big deal it's a lamb I've probably eaten ones bigger than this. I swear it thought I was it's mother. It ran at a full sprint right at me. At this point I am slightly uncomfortable on the inside, but trying to remain calm on the outside. This lamb aka undercover assassin stopped about 10ft from where I was and just stared at me and followed me around for 10 minutes. I'm convinced all it wanted to do was scare me. Mission: Complete. 

It's time for another one of my drawings.... Yes I know it looks like a fuzzy crocodile, but it was just as menacing. As a general warning to the public: Watch out for lambs. They have an evil side.

"The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read." --Mark Twain