Nigel Thornberry and Dora The Explorer

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."--Mahatma Gandhi

No I am not making any of this up. It's 100% true. I don't know if that's sad or just plain funny. I'm going to go with funny. Now on to the story, here is the completely true, non-exaggerrated story of what happened to me on a nice evening in May.

I was minding my own business, just relaxing and surfing the internet, when my Dad walks into my room. He looks at me and says "Can you come help me outside real quick?" First of all, alarm bells should've been going off in my head as it was almost 7pm. Alarm bells definitely started going off when he poked his head back in to say "just come out and don't ask questions."   My response? Uhhhh.... Ooookay. I got up, put shoes on and headed into the kitchen. I was met by my Dad who handed me these tools:

In my head I was saying "what in the world... you know what... I've been handed weirder objects in my life. Let's see where this goes." Meanwhile my Dad is rummaging around in the garage and comes out with a MASSIVE hard hat that I can only explain as what Dora the Explorer would wear on a construction site.

At this point I really was starting worry what in the world I was going to be doing in my own backyard. Why did I need a pencil with fishing line? What in the world was I going to be doing that involved potentially getting bashed on the head? My confusion was only about to worsen.

Most people have fired a slingshot. If you haven't, you might want to get angry with your parents about how you seriously missed out on an epic part of your childhood. What does a slingshot have to do with this story? Everything my friends. Everything. Don't ask me where he got it, but when I went to walk outside my Dad pulled out a HUGE slingshot the size of my lower leg. I'll upload a picture later for all of those non-believers out there. It was this point in time where A. I wondered what a huge slingshot was doing in the cabinet with laundry detergent. I had a feeling no one in the house had adopted a very brutal way of putting soap in the washing machine or a fun way of transferring clothes from the washer to dryer. B. WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS HAPPENING?

I get outside and walk to an enormous tree in my backyard. My Dad had gotten it into his head that he wanted to take a large branch down so he was going to tie fishing line around it to help yank it down... I was to hold the pencil with the fishing line reel in the middle of it so it could unspool itself. My Dad had tied a heavy metal circle thing to the end of the fishing line and was attempting to propel it over the VERY high branch with his slingshot. The construction hard hat was in case he missed and I got whacked on the head by a circular missile like piece of metal... My Dad had a very fashionable hard hat that looked like it was stolen from Inspector Gadget and he had tried to disguise it as a giant ant transformer. Yes I'm still being completely honest here.

Needless to say this flawless (sarcasm) plan didn't work. The metal thing broke free and landed somewhere in the garden. It being the same color as the dirt was not found. It's still sitting in the garden.

What I didn't witness, but my Mom did... lucky for her... was my Dad's second attempt at removing the limb. He managed to somehow get a rope over the branch and tied it off to his 69 land rover. He wanted to use his new winch sooooo he finally got his chance. My Mom looked out the window one day to see my Dad in the land rover attempting to pull down a tree limb.... only the limb won and the back end of the land rover was in the air.

Aren't you jealous this isn't your family? Well that's my awkward family moment for the day. Stay tuned for more mishaps, adventures, and quirky stories.   Oh and thanks for reading this :) I can't say that enough.

"You are confined only by the walls you build yourself"--

Why Dogs Will Always Be Better (In My Opinion)

"Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?" --Alfred Lord Tennyson

This is inspired by my recent encounters with my friend Whitney's cat. I have been pet sitting for her at her house and her cat has made it its mission to annoy, scare, eat, and sabotage me.

My first impression of this cat was that it was cute, fuzzy, and overly friendly. This was a complete ruse, although it can be sweet. It's more cunning and sly than anything. All was well until 2am... When you are sleeping in someone else's house you are much more aware of odd noises, especially at night. Consider this scenario. I was soundly asleep in bed with 2 dogs on either side of me essentially trapping me in covers. The cat was sitting on top of my chest with its face resting on my chin itching my face. I had given up trying to move the cat because she just kept on coming back. Then...at 2am I hear this god awful retching noise. I am woken up abruptly and become very tense. I don't have my contacts in so I'm pretty much blind. The noise stops momentarily so I fall back asleep thinking it was a dream. The cat the repositions itself closer to my face, which captures my attention. I then, with absolute horror, realize what the noise was. The cat had sat up and attempted to throw up ON MY FACE. The only explanation to why it stopped was because I wasn't awake and couldn't see it coming so she stoppped. Then once I was awake and staring it in the eyes (eyes that had become evil) the cat tried to throw up ON MY FACE AGAIN. Now in retrospect I probably could've just swiped it off the bed, but this was my face that was being attacked in a full frontal disgusting assault. I picked the cat up, sat up very quickly in bed and launched the cat out the door and it slid across the kitchen into the kitchen. I promptly closed the door.

You would think that would be the end of my cat woes for the night. No. Of course not. The cat sought revenge. Revenge in the form of noise. At first it was content with banging on the door, which it soon realized I could ignore in my sleep. It resorted to plan B. Meowing in 5 second intervals should be a form of torture and was quite effective. Combine bot of those and you've got a very grumpy Emma at 4am. I let the cat back in and hid myself under pillows and covers to prevent being thrown up on.

I've discovered this cat thoroughly enjoys eating hair ties. I always have at least 3 on my wrist. It is quite disconcerting to all of a sudden have a cat chewing on your wrist with much fervor. What is more disconcerting is the cat jumping on top of the couch and trying to chew your hair tie off of YOUR HEAD. I can only conclude that this cat secretly has it in for me.

While scaring me at 2am might have brought this cat much joy I am convinced that nothing brings it more joy than to invade my private space in the bathroom. It won't follow me around except when I head to the bathroom. It's not content to just rub up against my legs while on the toilet. No, not this cat. It has to try and sit on my lap while I'm doing the deed and digs claws in to my flesh if I try to remove the cat from my personal bubble. What the heck? That's all I can say to that. I have picture proof of this, but no one needs to see that. You'll just have to take my word for it.

" A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn no other way."--Mark Twain

I'm Just Not Normal

And I'm perfectly okay with that. The people who know me know that I have a tendency to just throw out random thoughts that are usually followed but a combination of awkward pauses, stares, and laughter. Normal people just don't have the kinds of thoughts that I do pop into their heads... or if they do they just don't say them out loud. I'm just going to go ahead and assume I was put on this earth for many reasons, but one of them being comic relief.

My most recent random thought came to me when I was riding in the car with my friend Sarah. We have just started our own greeting card company that caters to anyone and everyone and even businesses.
http://eclecticitygreetingcards.webs.com/
www.facebook.com/eclecticityrva
Yaaaay advertisement. Back to my story. Sarah and I have decided to make our products as eco-friendly as possible. This is how our conversation went:

Sarah: So I've been looking in to eco-friendly ink for our pictures
Me: Good idea. What exactly is eco-friendly ink? Do they go out and squeeze squid or something?
*awkward pause*....*laughter* Why that was the FIRST thing to pop in to my head I will never know. Surely people don't think of scuba divers chasing down squid and scaring them in order to collect ink in little vials in order to print eco-friendly pictures is not the first thing that comes to mind. My brain is a weird place people. At least it's never boring.   I told my friend Will about this conversation and all he could think about was me going around a factory of squid in aquariums where I run at the tanks and the squid yell "ahh you made me ink" just like in Finding Nemo. I'm glad I've found a group of people who all have a mutual sense of weird about us. Besides... scaring massive amounts of squid is the opposite of eco-friendly. Don't do it.

I was driving down the road the other day and I'm not sure why this thought popped in to my head "why don't homeless people migrate south for the winter?"  I was driving past a golf course where rich men wearing bright pants that should have never been worn post-1980s were meandering around hitting little white balls with bent metal sticks. Can you tell I'm a huge fan of golf? It was cold outside so maybe that's where the thought came from. If birds are smart enough to think "Hmm... hey guys it's getting a bit nippy outside. We don't have nifty sweaters or houses with central heating. Let's fly to ohhh let's say Florida? We won't freeze to death there."  Homeless people are pretty much in the same position. IT IS COLD here. Why in the world would they not go somewhere warm? They would get exercise, see the country, and stay warm. 3 positives right there. They should observe geese more closely. Bird watching must not be a huge part of the homeless Virginian population's hobbies.

I am a huge fan of AMC's The Walking Dead. Give me a zombie movie or tv show and I will watch it albeit slightly terrified, but mentally preparing myself... You never know. One thing I've noticed... WHO is so OCD that they are sticking around to mow the lawns during the zombie apocalypse? There are tons of movies and shows that show neatly mowed lawns. The Walking Dead had that issue in season 1, but now everything is thankfully overgrown and jungle-esque, which I appreciate. If you think about it I have a very valid point. The lunatics who think "well if a zombie comes at me I'll just mow them over and then I can continue to make my lawn gorgeous for the tons of neighbors who really care because obviously this is such a valuable aspect of post apocalyptic life"  are the ones who will be eaten first. Darwined out. Food for thought there... but hopefully not zombie food for thought because that's just unfortunate for you.

Now for something entirely different. Am I the only one who accidentally types "me" instead of "my". I do it ALL the time. It always makes me chuckle because when I type I tend to say what I'm typing "out loud" in my head, so I always feel like I sound like either a pirate or an irishman... or an irish pirate. Example: Me brain is a weird place people... totally Irish pirate. I've lost me parrot at the pub--another fine example although not quite as common a saying.

There you have it. All of these random thoughts weaved their way into my brain this week. It's only Thursday. Bring it on life. I love being weird :)

I Can't. I Have Rehearsal

"Acting is behaving truthfully under imaginary circumstances." --Sanford Meisner

I know it has been forever since I last posted. I haven't had as many adventures since I got back from England! Living in Europe was definitely a more adventurous lifestyle!! HOWEVER... as you can probably tell from the title that I've been one busy lady.

I have been cast in Richmond's Vday Production of The Vagina Monologues. When I first told my parents I was auditioning for this they had no idea what it meant. My mom had a look of polite horror something like this:

My Dad was a little more obvious about how he thought that this production was somehow a porn film (it isn't) and had a look of what the %@$& Emma face.

I quickly eased their nerves and averted heart attacks when I told them it was a show that does talk a lot about vaginas, but it's a series of comedic and dramatic monologues about what it's like to have one and also tackles the topic of sexual abuse in order to raise awareness. All in all it is a very inspiring show that really has a powerful affect on the audience. I'm extremely excited to be a part of this and can't wait to help raise awareness in Richmond.

I also was in a short that is being submitted to Sundance and Tribeca about a janitor who works in a hospital and tries to help those around him. Even though the world seems to have forgotten about his existence he tries to make the world a better place by his final act of kindness before his death.   In addition to that I just filmed a short for a student production where I stole a purse, was chased across campus and ultimately arrested. I was surprisingly good at it. Not sure what that says about my bright future, but don't worry world. Your purses and wallets are safe... from me at least. 

So far my acting career has blossomed a bit since returning from my ex patriot adventures and I'm really looking forward to tackling more roles and auditioning for parts!   I'm putting in a filmed monologue that is one of my all time favorites. It's not the best quality due to my camera and I don't have editing skills... yet. But hopefully you will enjoy it!

"Acting is not about being someone different. It's finding the similarity in what is apparently different, then finding myself in there." --Meryl Streep

We Have Lift Off!

"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life." --Steve Jobs

2013 has had an unexpectedly remarkable start. Personally I think it started New Years Eve as I FINALLY had a date. Ever since I was little New Years Eve either consisted of going to bed and missing it or being essentially a third wheel. I've had good times with the people I was with, but it's a couples' holiday and I was always dateless. This year however I went to Virginia Beach with my ex/best friend Will. I feel like it was the kick start to a new and exciting year. I never thought anything could top my year abroad, but this year is just as exciting for completely different reasons.

I've decided I'm slightly off my rocker this year with goals, but I'm aiming high and I've made myself a promise to always do that. I guess you could say that's my resolution for this year. Here is a little of what I've been up to and part of the reason why it's taken me FOREVER to post again.

Acting!

I've had auditions for local short films, a local feature, 2 musicals, 1 straight play, and landed a job in 3 of those movies and a job as a production assistant. Needless to say I felt like something was finally happening. I've never been more sure that it's what I want to do with my life and I've been trying to tackle it in every way possible. I'm still searching for an agent, but it's a work in progress! I haven't heard back about a few things, but I'm hopeful that I will get something. If not, then it's on to the next audition. No matter what though I am going to take this industry by storm. You can count on that. I've never been more determined in my life.

Adventure!

You can take the girl out of the adventure, but you can't take the adventure out of the girl. After spending the entirety of my time living abroad and pretty much living my dream life of exploring foreign countries and cultures I get to go on another adventure! Where am I plunking myself down this time? MALTA! For those of you who don't know it's an island in the Mediterranean near Sicily. Its culture is a mix of almost every Mediterranean culture as it has been invaded by most. It is also extremely colorful and has some of the best scuba diving sites in the world. I was accepted into a field school there for Anthropology and I will undertake a project there where I'm combining terrestrial and underwater photography to capture the culture of the island. I'll be spending 3 weeks there and I can't even wait.

(I do not own this photo)

I work at a dive shop called Atlantis Divers and they have planned an adventure scuba trip to Costa Rica. One of my best friends of all time, Ellie, has been scuba certified for 2 years and we haven't had a chance to dive together yet. Now we will in South America :) It is 4 days of diving supplemented with ATV trips in the jungle, a hike in the national forest, zip lining in the jungle, horseback riding, and white water rafting. Needless to say it is the perfect trip for me and I'm so happy Ellie is going to be sharing this adventure with me.

(I do not own this photo)

I've also been slightly obsessed with Ben Fogle's books. Particularly The Accidental Adventurer and The Accidental Naturalist. I know my parents will be horrified at my plans, but he's just inspired me to push myself to new limits and go out there and make a difference in the world. I've particularly developed a secret love for Africa and am dying to head out there on a conservation project of some kind, but that's for later on.

Fitness!

I'm probably one of the most active people I know, which is surprising since I used to be quite chubby and one of the laziest people I knew. I go to the gym every day and am always looking for something active and fun to try. This year I'm challenging myself with marathons. Not the ridiculous 28 mile ones. I'm nowhere near that level since I might be the world's slowest runner. Not even exaggerating. I get bored really easily with running. The memes online like this:

I've taken up a form of racing that people would probably think I'm even more insane for doing. It's obstacle marathon racing. I get extremely bored if I run the same boring routes over and over. Jogging in a straight line just seems boring to me. But throw in pits of doom and rock walls to climb and mud pits to slither through and I'm golden. I will tackle it like there's no tomorrow. SO that's what I'm going to do. That being said I am taking part in a regular ole 10K called the Monument Avenue 10k. I'm super excited and it's for charity. The next one I'm doing is called Color Me Rad, which is a 5k where color balloons are thrown at you every few minutes and you end up coming out of the race looking like Alice's Wonderland threw up on you. I can't wait. Someone clean is going to get a VERY big hug :)  I have also decided to compete in a Rugged Maniac, which is the obstacle course 5k. Training is so much more achievable in my opinion when you have crazy goals ahead of you. I've already started training and I'm loving it.

All in all this year has been ridiculously amazing. It hasn't even been an entire month and I can't wait to see what's in store for the rest of the year. I feel like I've accomplished so much already in such a short time. My career finally seems like it has potential and I've got ideas in the works for how I can take on the world by storm. Watch out people. If you haven't heard of me already for one thing or another, I can promise you that you will soon :)

"Let us be about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and every decade worth looking forward to." --Greg Anderson

The Horrors Of Xmas Baking

Christmas, in its final essence, is for grown people who have forgotten what children know. Christmas is for whoever is old enough to have denied the unquenchable spirit of man.”
~ Margaret Cousins

Let's face it. I just spent the last 4 years in undergrad and one year abroad getting a master's degree. It's also Christmas, the time of the year where we're supposed to spend copious amounts of money on everyone we know and people we don't know too well unless we want to suffer through guilt all year long. I'm also completely broke. Zero money. Nada. I decided I would buy a select few people Christmas presents because they're my best friends and family and who better to go into debt for? 

Here's a taste of my internal dialogue when deciding what to do for presents for friends:

Stingy me: Go to the dollar store. No one will ever know.

Spend your life savings me: No everyone else will be doing that. We're all college kids.

Stingy me: Do stocking stuffers and give them things that don't cost much but wrap them nicely so it looks like you spent more.

Spend your life savings me: Alright. I can live with that. BUT I'll make my own Christmas cards using my own photography and then bake them Christmasy esque looking things. GREAT IDEA

Stingy me: Good luck with that Martha Stewart.

And so it went! I went off shopping with friends and battled my way through traffic and indecision. I had finally finished shopping for stocking stuffers when it hit me. The little voice inside your head that only comes at Christmas that thinks "well... I want that so maybe if I buy it for them and then not give it to them that that will be okay. Am I giving this person too much? What if I come at them with a huge bag and all I get is a $5 gift card to somewhere that everyone but that person knows I hate? OH GOD I HAVE TO BUY EVERYTHING IN THIS STORE.  I DON'T CARE WHO IT'S FOR IT HAS TO BE MINE. AHHHHHHH." That's how it usually goes on any given day during the holiday season... hopefully I'm not alone in this. I usually stand in line and realize how crazy I am for putting things in my basket that I don't even know how they function or if they are actually sold in the store and not just left behind by some wacko playing a prank and try to subtly hide things at random places in the store because finding where I picked it up would just end up in catastrophe. 

Baking Catastrophe 1:  The hot chocolate mix

I thought I could be fancy and make delicious red velvet hot chocolate mix from scratch and put them in cute mason jars and have there be nice layers and ribbons everywhere to give it a festive look. That's not what happened. I spent probably a good 2 hours searching for a hot chocolate mix recipe that I didn't need a degree in astrophysics and also have a psychic gift to decipher. I panicked and went to Kroger (an awesome grocery store) and bought ready made hot chocolate mix, poured it into mason jars (and all over my hand, desk and the floor). I tried to add an extra layer of marshmallows in the middle to spice it up. The mix completely engulfed any trace of marshmallows in the middle. Now when friends try to use it they are going to get a surprise.... Once I cleaned up the inevitable mess that comes with being me I tied red, white and green ribbons to the lid. I tried to do the trick with the scissors that makes the ribbons curly and cute. It worked for the bottom centimeter. Not exaggerating. The rest of it ended up molding into odd shapes jutting out from the jar at odd angles. One is even sticking out completely straight at a perpendicular angle to the jar. It takes talent to do this people. At least that's what I tell myself. At least the jars are unique. Now if I could get the cat to stop chewing on them they would look even better....

Baking Catastrophe 2:

Brownines. Simple yes? No. Not when you make them into cupcakes and attempt to put santa hats made of strawberries and icing. Attempt number 1 followed the directions on the box. Yes I used a box. I'm not trying to poison anyone. It told me to bake for 40 minutes, so I obeyed. Bad decision. I ended up with brownies that doubled as hockey pucks. Into the trash they went. Bah humbug. I decided to move on to catastrophe number 3 in hopes I would have better luck... 

Baking Catastrophe 3: 

Snowmen made of marshmallows, held together by pretzel sticks and dipped in candycane flavored chocolate. Sounds cute doesn't it? Bet you wouldn't say that if you saw my first attempt and the resulting dilapidated chunky blobs that looked like zombie marshmallow snowmen. Yep... that happened. Luckily my mom came and helped me roll them. But that was today and the real disaster came yesterday... After the brownie incident I thought melting chocolate to dip would be super easy. No. Turns out putting hershey kisses in a plastic cup in the microwave results in your white choclate turning a dark brown, becoming frothy, and it melts the entire cup and eats through the bottom of the cup. Again, I'm talented. Food Network please hire me. I can have a show called "How You Should NEVER Cook." I also tried melting it in a pot on the oven. Again I was wrong. It just burns on the bottoms and turns into a sticky mess. Luckily I cleaned all of the evidence of that mess before my parents walked back into the kitchen. After that I thought to myself " (^*&%&$#^@$^%&(^)(&*(&%^ I'm done for tonight. I suck at baking. This is going nowhere. I hate baking. BAH HUMBUG..."

Day 2 I awoke with a plan: Gym, hot bubble bath, reading, favorite tv show.... conquer the kitchen. It worked. I felt rejuvenated. I bought all new ingredients although I froze to death and got odd looks for walking into stores in gym shorts and a shirt in the middle of a rain storm and the freezing cold. 

Brownie attempt 2: Succesful

Chocolate chip cookies with peppermint on top: Awesome success. First try. OH YEAH

Snowmen attempt 2: Thanks Mom. She had the great idea to use hershey kisses as heads so I wouldn't have creepy headless snowmen with arms sticking out of their sides... Most of them have become decapitated accidentally so maybe that's creepier, but oh well. Real friends appreciate the effort not the fact that I gave them pink decapitated snowmen. 

All in all it was an experience. Here's some pictures of how they turned out. Martha Stewart eat your heart  out. 

Merry Christmas everyone! And may your Christmas baking disasters be less plentiful than mine. :)

The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others’ burdens, easing other’s loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas.”
~ W. C. Jones

My First Ever Cruise... And Quarantine!

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."--Marilyn Monroe

Most of you are probably assuming from the title that I had just about the worst cruise ever. Having nothing to judge it against, I'm going to say it could have been worse, but I certainly could have done without the norovirus experience. I'm getting ahead of myself; let's start at the beginning.

My friend Nick proposed the idea of going on a cruise with his brother, Will, who happened to be my ex boyfriend (don't worry it wasn't freakishly awkward, we're friends). We decided last minute to go to Jamaica and Haiti on Royal Caribbean Cruise lines. Simple enough right? No. We needed a 4th person so we could split room costs. Got one guy, but turns out he didn't have a passport. I got my friend Dan who took the SCUBA dive master class with me to come along. You might be thinking YAY you got the 4th person! Nope. Will backed out for no reason.  Us being stubborn decided to go on the cruise anyway and enjoy a much needed vacation for them and for me it was something equivalent to satiating my need for adventure and travel.

Nick lives in Georgia and both Dan and I live in Virginia. We made the 9 hour drive down to Georgia the day before the cruise and it was surprisingly eventful. It started raining so we thought it would be a good idea to where snorkel gear while driving down the road... just in case. If you have to ask why you might want to stop reading because nothing I do ever really makes sense.

Dan and I also spruced up our car dancing skills and enjoyed singing at the top of our lungs. It really makes long drives more interesting for everyone. I can't tell you how many people have driven past me when I am full on performing a broadway show/concert in my car and given looks of pure confusion and wonderment. Give it a try!

We got to the cruise ship the next day, which was MASSIVE. I've never seen on up close and it was pretty much a floating city equipping with 2 theatres, piano bar, nightclub, gym, pools, climbing wall, surfing area, and helicopter landing pad to name a few. Dan and Nick received a free room upgrade meaning they got a window... me? I got a mirror shaped like a porthole. No big deal because I had somehow magically morphed into a woman named Ruth. Apparently someone else was supposed to have my room before we bought them for the week. The housekeeping and crew of the boat still thought I was this Ruth woman. I went with it because I kept receiving free things like chocolate covered strawberries, and free teeth whitening consultations and money credits to our cruise cards. I guess that's the trade off of not getting a window.

Our first night was spent wandering around and seeing various shows and performances all around the boat. And drinking. Lots of drinking.

 I also tried my hand at gambling. Turns out slot machines are a lot more complicated than I previously anticipated... Of the whopping $2 I spent here is my return...

 The next day was spent entirely out to see so we spent it laying out in the sun. I desperately needed a tan after spending a year in England. I was practically an honorary albino. We spent the day migrating between pool chairs, hot tubs, and the various activities that involved being outside. I am now proudly a shade darker and was not a lobster!. That night was formal dress night so we all got snazzed up for our 3 course meal. These chefs were top notch. I have never had better food in my life, which was unfortunate that I got sick and was restricted to toast for the rest of the trip after that night.

That night we saw the Cirque du Soleil show In The Air. As always it was AMAZING. I can't even form sentences describing how fantastic I think any and all of the Cirque du Soleil shows are so... just go see one. You won't be disappointed. Your mind might be dazed for a few days, but it's a good thing.

The third day we pulled in to Falmouth Jamaica. We pretty much ran off the boat and then got in a minibus that was going to take us to our planned day of snorkeling and climbing waterfalls. Jamaica really looks like a run down third world country. It has its moments, but for the most part it is really apparent that the residents have almost nothing. The landscape even reflected that too, which was slightly disappointing as I had higher hopes for Jamaica. All 3 of us got on the boat for our snorkeling trip and were immediately confused. Dan and I are certified to teach snorkeling and we have never been told to wear a life jacket in this way before...

We knew it was so people would be kept flat on their stomachs to minimize people touching the coral... but it was still an odd way to do that. Jamaica doesn't have much to see when it comes to snorkeling, but it was still a really fun experience. The views once we got back on the boat were more impressive in my opinion. There was a storm that was coming over the mountains and the seas were ridiculously green and blue so it made a really beautiful contrast. 

Once everyone was back on board aka me, Nick and Dan since we refused to come back in early and wanted as much time in the water as possible,  we sailed to Dunn's River Falls. We got in a large group and made our way up a surprisingly difficult climb up a series of waterfalls. I kicked about every rock and also found every hidden hole thereby plunging myself into very cold water. Everyone was SOAKED by the end of it without a change of clothes. SO of course we went to lunch and enjoyed jerk chicken and an odd beef stew that still had all of the bones left in it. I gave up after I started identifying each individual bone and freaked myself out a little bit. I guess that's the downside of being a bone analyst...

Here are some pictures of the falls and the place where we had lunch!

That night the illness from the depths of hell struck. I had just finished eating the best chicken marsala of my life and had just begun the chocolate dessert. The first warning sign was that I didn't want the chocolate... I excused myself from dinner and went back to my room where I began to expel the entire contents of my stomach and intestines and all of the liquids left over in my body for the entire night. That's about as non-graphic as I could make that. 

The next day was the Haiti port call. Needless to say I felt like %@#&. However, me being me, I dragged myself off of the ship knowing I would regret sitting inside my little box of a room all day. Lucky me the walk to the kayak excursion was about a half mile... I managed to get there and finally found the boys. I tried to hide how gross I felt, but it didn't work too well. I was a trooper and made it through out kayak trip! It actually made me feel better to do some exercise and be out on the water. I guess that has to do with me being part fish. I was also slightly angry. Of course it would be my luck to be healthy in the country I didn't like as much and sick as a dog in Haiti which was absolutely gorgeous and that had plenty of places to explore and places to romp around. What did I do instead? I was curled up on a beach chair wrapped in a towel since it was slightly cold outside. 

The view from my beach chair of doom. Not too shabby.

After kayaking I immediately dragged myself to the doctor on board the boat and was diagnosed with norovirus and was stuck in my room for the rest of the trip. I did sneak out and lay by the pool on the last day out to sea and spent the entire day in a hot tub meeting new people who I ended up running around the boat with doing random shenanigans. Apparently that sent me over the edge and I was sick all the next day. Driving back to VA was a good distraction and I felt much better. However the good feeling was limited after losing 10lbs in 2 days and being limited to toast if I was hungry, which wasn't very often. Good news is that I am completely cured!

"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken." --Oscar Wilde